Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Amnesty

A scene from the 2006 MLB Winter Meetings:

George Steinbrenner: “I ain’t got no motherfuckin’ friends!”

Fred Wilpon: “That’s why I fucked your wife, you fat motherfucker!”

We’re a forgiving bunch here at BBPOTS, and that’s why we, speaking on behalf of all Metropolitans fans and all bright flowing young men of our generation, are going to offer Yankee fan of the world a deal. Seriously.

We know there’s some good in all people everywhere, and that’s why we’re giving you the chance of a lifetime: become Mets fans.

We won’t hold your past against you. We’ll even give you the names of a few Mets bars you can hang out and feel like one of the guys, which would be a first experience for you as a baseball fan, I can assume.

Think of the benefits: The better team, the better announcers, the better new stadium in a few years, the better uniforms (the pinstripes look like little kid pajamas, they do and you know it), the better manager, the better leadoff hitter, the better catcher, the better centerfielder, the better second baseman, the better shortstop, and easily the better third baseman in the clutch (don’t even try to argue this one guys). We’ve also got an overpaid former superstar pitcher who actually has a personality.

And the best part…if you go anywhere with anything other than a Yankee hat on, people might actually think you’ve watched a baseball game before!

I know, I know. Tradition. But that argument ended the first time a dancing mustard bottle became tween-inning entertainment at Yankee Stadium.

Tradition is great. That’s why I have a big black and white TV in my living room, because tradition is grand, that’s why I take my horse and buggy to work every day. Bottom line: the Yankees have had a few great runs. But the shit is over. Well over. And you should either take this chance to jump on board the winning team for the next decade, or, well, you know, keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.

This theoretical, subway series argument is fun, but it’s meaningless. With that fat fuck/greatest clutch player in 30 years in your division, you’re just fucked. You’re not even gonna make the playoffs.

And that’s the best part about being a Mets fan, as opposed to lower forms of life, we get some relaxation in in the next few months. We’ve got all the time in the world. You don’t.


Happy Recap

Any man can be an artist. At, uh, food...whatever. It all depends on how good he is. Billy Wagner's art is closing games. He's about to paint his masterpiece.

BBPOTS Player of the Game: Billy Wagner

Ring up, Pelfrey down

WFAN's Ed Coleman says the Metropolitans sent down Mike Pelfrey to AAA, bringing up Royce Ring to the show.

It'll be interesting to see how Ring can perform in the bigs, and Pelfrey clearly needs some more seasoning, especially because we'll probably see him later this season...

Don't mind my brother, he says lots of things

If all sports fans were a family, Mets fans would be the annoying kid brother. Every one of them feels like they have something to prove, and they do, but have no idea how to go about doing it. Most of their attempts come out in the form of lauding even the most minor accomplishments of their team like, say, having the best record in the National League this year. They also tend to do this in public forums like, say, starting a blog.

Now the arguments put forth by said fans generally aren't very deep and tend to have a very "Oh yeah, well your franchise players are gay" kind of feel to them. Not that Mets fans don't have a long standing history of gay All-Stars (Piazza anyone? or Hernandez?), so I guess if anybody could spot one...

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