Sunday, July 30, 2006

Requiem for the Braves

Today, for the first time since 1979, the Metropolitans swept a three-game series from the Braves in Atlanta. Today, with his third grand slam of July and a solo job in the fifth from the other side of the dish, Carlos Beltran set the team record for home runs by a centerfielder. Today, the every Flushing starter hit safely, and our 19 hits for the game were the most we've had all season. Today, the Braves--who made a flurry of now-irrelevant trade deadline deals last week and into this weekend--were left for dead in the NL East for the first time in a decade and a half.

Sure, there were minuses for the Mets: Tom Glavine, it seems, hasn't thrown a decent start since before the All-Star break. OK, well that's the only minus I took away today.

Besides the Old Goat's falters, we looked like a team determined to exorcise ghosts this entire weekend, and we did just that, with aplomb. Beltran made a personal statement, it seemed, with 12 RBIs and 4 home runs in the series, in the process playing himself into the MVP race not only for the team this year, but also the National League.

So sleep well tonight, Mets fans. Get plenty of rest. We'll all need that energy come October.

BBPOTS Player of the Game Saturday: Carlos Beltran

BBPOTS Player of the Game Sunday: Carlos Beltran

Triumvirate watch

Keith and Gary were at the top of their games this weekend.

Here’s some brilliance.

*Friday night, Keith said he had been to the Daytona 500 a few years back and hadn’t been to a NASCAR race since. Gary couldn’t seem to figure out why anyone would pay to watch people drive in circles for hours while only making left turns under deafening noise. I don’t know either. Actually, I do. Let’s face it, southerners are just dumb. Fuck them.

*Gary pointed out that the Braves are the third most popular sports interest in the region, behind football and NASCAR. It figures. These people suck at life. They’d all be homeless if it wasn’t for Jimmy Carter and his trusty hammer, too.

*Keith rightly pointed out that kids don’t come up through the minors being taught to use level swings anymore. There’s a lot of ballyhoo about little-leaguer friendly ballparks in the AL and ballplayers being bigger and stronger, natural or not. Keith’s point is often overlooked though, and this kind of insight is why Mayor Bloomberg has a portrait of Keith over his dinner table.

*Gary pointed out that Mark McGwire is up for the hall next year. Hopefully he’ll withdraw his name. Keith argued that the andro McGwire was using was totally legal, which is true. But then Keith rightly stopped arguing.

*‘They have a name for everything these days,’ said Keith, commenting on a Adam LaRouche’s ADD. I agree completely. If Bobby Cox can’t free his hands long enough to get his players to man up and play baseball, they deserve to be less popular than grown men in pajamas driving in circles.

*Keith was right on the money, saying Jose Reyes runs out every ground ball. It’s true. He does. While Yankee fans are wont to try to apply Keegan-esque ‘no dancing’ policies to keep The Boss alive on his death bed, Mighty Mex’s perspective is the right one. Go watch your third baseman kick the ball around.

*The Braves play ‘Thank God I’m a Country Boy’ during the seventh inning stretch. SNY cameras immediately caught thousands of family members at Turner Field making out with each other.

N.B: Some bloggers like to refer to Keith as ‘Mex.’ I don’t. not only is it insensitive to the brave men and women who defy southern hatemongers to cross the Rio Grande, but I believe it was Chi Chi Rodriguez’ nickname first. Oh, speaking of Chi Chi…


Happy Recap

I remember that save Armando Benitez blew in a late summer game to the D-Backs four years ago. A Benitez blown save was pretty routine then, but that one moment propelled the Metropolitans on down the road to irrelevance for a few years.

Well, Braves fans finally have such a moment of their own to relish, as a strike-em-out-throw-em-out double play sealed a Mets sweep today in Atlanta. Boom. Just like that, it was all over – the ninth inning, the series and the season. Up 15 and a half games, the long reign of Atlanta atop the NL East is over, and the world will be better for it. But what do Braves fans care, they’re southerners, and thus used to irrelevance.

Across Queens, the scene was euphoric, cabbies stopped driving and leapt atop their yellow cars. Fireworks were shot off. Partisans shouted anti-braves slogans. Mets fans in long-persecuted Lebanon even celebrated by taking baseball bats and firesticks to regional headquarters of the UN, Ted Turner’s favorite charity.

Another division title has been a long time coming, so let’s just keep an eye on the magic number counter, cause when it hits 1, that’s the next meaningful game we’re gonna play for a long time.

Let’s be very clear: The Braves shitting themselves like a 2-year-old with food poisoning is good for baseball. These ‘people’ propelled George Bush into the White House and are thus responsible for the deaths of more than 2,000 brave men and women in Iraq for no reason whatsoever. These are the enablers of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. They listen to country music and they’re the reason the world hates us. They’re NASCAR fans, and have some shitty food.

But don’t worry. If they had any teeth, we just knocked them out.

How sweep it is!

Carthago delenda est.

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