Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Cat Scratch Fever - 4

Sitting in Omar's box tonight is...Spike Lee. He's got a new movie, "Inside Man," which is "killen 'em," according to Spike. He's decked out in full Mets gear. It's good to see he's pulled his head out of his ass after going to a Nets' game the other night. (Who's a Nets fan, seriously?) Most celeb interviews at sporting events go on for about 30 seconds, but this lasted the whole half inning. Spike is making a documentary about Hurricane Katrina. He wants to make documentaries about Louis-Schmelling II and Jackie Robinson. He's seen more sporting events than anyone, ever, but he missed Ali-Frazier I because he didn't have any money at the time. BTW, "She Hate Me" is a great movie. Rent it.

Cat Scratch Fever - 3

You know what the words "Alfonso Soriano" mean in English? The Fist. Ouch.

Gary Cohen just made a joke about how O'Connor, if he played baseball in St. Louis, would be Cardinal O'Connor. There are a lot of abused children who don't think that's so funny, Gary.

3-1 them.

Cat Scratch Fever - 2

Ron Darling is easily the msot competent person to every broadcast for the New York Metropolitans. Which brings me to the question of the night...Where is Keith Hernandez? Is he protesting the U.S. government's treatment of illegal immigrants (It's racism, people, don't listen to that fat fuck Lou Dobbs), or has he been asked to take a vacation, now, by Fred Wilpon? Keith loves women, by the way. We all know this. Don't be a pish, Fred.

1-1

Cat Scratch Fever - 1

Ah jeez. This might be rough. Maine, Mane, whatever this guy's name is, I don't want him on the team anymore. Trade him, Omar. Two straight doubles to start the game, ugh. He looks scared; like a deer in headlights. He looks like a former newspaper intern of mine facing daily life every day.
Oh they have a rookie pitcher going too? Hang on. Maine gets out of it with a strikeout of Nick Johnson, who also looks like someone I know, and a Ryan Zimmerman pop out. Maybe this won't be so bad.
During the contraversial ground ball, called fair, down the third-base line, Cohen kept referring to the umpire and David Wright, who ascended into Shea Stadium, standing over "the white line." Thank David Allen Wright that Keith Hernandez isn't around for this one, folks.

Paul LoDuca gave this O'Connor guy a swirley - all around the bases. The apple came up.

1-1

Cat Scratch Fever - Pregame

Last night, I demanded that the Metropolitans put up "Calvin Broadus numbers." So tonight I'm going to do my best to chip in, blogging after every inning. I'm going to make myself dinner too. Cause when the pimp's in the crib, ma...

NL Ballot May 1

This is the first of a series of posts in which 5 Year Grace Period and I will show our current All-Star ballots for the NL and AL, respectively. Enjoy.

First Base: C'mon. With 10 HRs in April, Carlos Delgado is clearly the leader here. The guy's a pacifist!

Contrarian vote: Albert Pujols

Second Base: Ugh. What a shitty field. Josh Barfield

Shortstop: Hands-down, Jose Reyes is the biggest star in the field. As Devins Rush would say, "He can change the game for you!"

Third Base: The King of Kings, before whom we all lay prostrate, David Allen Wright.

Contrarian vote: Cabrera, Rolen

Catcher: Hard to be informed on this one. I'll go for Connecticut native Brad Ausmus. Guy's a stud.

Outfield: I'd love to vote for Beltran, but we haven't seen enough. Andruw Jones, Carlos Lee, and Barry Bonds.

No voting for starting pitcher, but the clear choice is Pedro Martinez. That is, 2006 NL Cy Young Award Winner Pedro Martinez.

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